Well, its been a while and I'm feeling a bit better than I was. Still not brilliant but better.

I have had my cards being sold in a 'proper shop' - which is great and means I get to have an excuse to sit and craft because now its actually making me a bit of money.

Been to the bank and sorted some things out which made me feel a whole lot better, and have made some financial decisions with hubby so things are not quite so bleak. I do still need to get a job that is at least 3 or 4 full days a week tho and that is proving difficult and does nothing for your self esteem I can tell you.

House is still an issue and I think I will be creating a blog just for that at some point to get some things off my chest. And to put publicly how Charter house, as an eminent  public school with a supposed 'Christian ethos' treat the staff they consider 'beneath' them.

My week had a lovely bright spot in it in the shape of a certain Mr Lakeman (surprise surprise!). He played a special gig on HMS Warrior with Benji Kirkpatrick and Cormac Byrne. It was a beautiful night, a beautiful location and amazing music. They played some of the older tracks such as Lady of the Sea, Blood Red Sky, Colliers and the seemingly ubiquitous Kitty Jay, plus some of his new tracks, See Them Dance (dedicated to the Mire, as always, well, except at Wychwood when we got Watchman and screamed so loud everyone laughed!), and the BRAND new Tiny World. Seth announced it as 'never been played before' and so seemed rather bemused when certain members of the audience (!) sang along..................he smiled so all was ok, he must wonder where we get it all from tho sometimes I'm sure. xx  First time ever that I've seen, he seemed rather resigned to playing Kitty Jay and it certainly wasn't as spectacular or varied as I've seen it before. I do wonder if he's fed up playing it. Seth talks a lot about 'moving on' in songwriting and 'sonically' that I get the feeling that KJ might hold him back somewhat. Having seen it live on far too many occasions to admit too, I have to say it wouldn't bother me at all if it was dropped from the set now and again.

I managed to take one of the best if not THE best pic I ever have of Seth and of which I am extremely proud. Also got some fab shots of Warrior and Spinnaker Tower in the evening twilight.

 

Eurgh! Well, a warning that this is miserable grumpy post, so if you don't want to be brought down, don't read any further.
I have found that writing my thoughts down when I am very very low actually does help. I do feel like complete crap at the moment. I don't feel that I'm any good at anything - can't get a decent job, no good as a TA, no good as a mum, no good as a housewife, no good as a wife, no good as a music fan, no good as a friend, not good enough to be allowed to stay in my home, not good enough at photography, not good enough a musician, not good enough at art, no good with money, a complete and utter waste of space.
All the self confidence that I spent 18 months trying to build up - gone, because all the self loathing I had, has, far as I am concerned, been confirmed. Everything that I had very tentatively begun to believe about myself, destroyed. All the hard work and self belief that I had tried so hard to hold on to has gone. I can't even do the one thing that has made me so so happy because it costs too much money and we have none. And I'm at the bottom of all this, its all my fault - I shouldn't have resigned from my job. I shouldn't have allowed them to make me feel so low that I actually gave up the job I loved.  I feel rubbish, I'm not special enough to the people I want to be special to, they don't care, of course they don't. Why should they, I'm nobody. I don't even have a future, in work, at home, anywhere. I so desperately want to be happy but its  so elusive and sometimes I blame myself and other times I wonder what I have done wrong to deserve this life. I am fed up with people saying of it'll get better becasue for 25 years it hasn't, despite trying everything. I'm fed up with people telling me to be positive, its very very hard when all the major things that happen in your life are negative and you feel put down all the time. Putting the mask on is becoming harder and harder, in fact facing the world at all is becoming harder and harder. Its all out of my hands and thats the scary thing, I have no control, my heads a mess but I pretend its all ok, it isn't.

Sunday began waaayy too early tho the lovely Lou didn't wake me at 5.30am as we'd arranged! We eventually got up about 7.30ish and queued for a shower. Quite impressed with the festival showers tho there were only 10!!  Loads more needed!!

Got brekkie then staked out our place in front of the main stage in preparation for Seth!! This of course was around noon and Seth was on at 8pm but hey! thats what we do!! xx

Started off with the growing on me 6 Day Riot - up tempo and boppy!

Followed by Martha Tilston who I personally found rather dull I'm afraid.









Up next Irish band Kila.

 An absolute revelation, 8 (I think!) incredibly talented lively musicians playing traditional instruments with gusto! Fab fab music! They did bring the rain tho, and thunder, and lightning and hail!!  We got absolutely soaked. poor Lou was literally ringing her clothes out, but we weren't not abandoning our prime Seth spots.




Whilst drying out, Ade Edmondson and the Bad Shepherds played. Having seen them before, I got a bit bored. Very clever but a one gig joke really for me. However I was ramping up the Sethcitement by now!

The (Beautiful) South were an absolute revelation to me! Soooo good live, would def see them again and will never quite get over 'anorexic chicks' being sung directly to us, or the triangle being played with a teaspoon, as teaspoons have a special meaning to Kath and I!! xx We were dancing and singing like mad and being very daft all without the influence of alcohol - we did nt touch a drop but natural exuberance kind of took over!


And so, the moment had arrived, well sort of arrived. We had 40 minutes of watching the marvellous Team Lakeman preparing first of all - all part of the entertainment - you know who you are you two!! 

Seth time!!!  Have no words, fantastic, managed amazing photos, LOVED the Mire ded and can't quite believe so few of us made so much noise!! Loved Seths reaction, well, love Seth really. Apparently he was convinced we were drunk and we soooo weren't!  And here is a little pic of the most gorgeous man on the planet!!

Ok, well, a rather personally emotional time at Wychwood. Something happened which I didn't understand and actually still don't. Goes to show that you never really know people I suppose, I've learnt things about two people this week - one of whom I've known for 30 years and one whom I've only known for about 18months - that confused me completely and I was made to suffer on both counts for things that were never my fault. The 30 year relationship is on the way to repair, the other, I don't know if I can do it anymore, watching every move I make and word I say for fear of  unintended offence. I've not had a friendship like this since I was at school, its childish and I don't think I can maintain a true friendship under those conditions - we shall see.

Anyway, on to happier things - some fantastic music was experienced, great bands, and friends who were amazingly supportive.

On Saturday, we saw the amazing Outcast Band! Fantastic - here's a little pic.

Right, this is my little space on the net where I show some of my craft and rave about Seth! However, I also whinge about things I don;t like to necessarily go on about anywhere else, so if you don't want to read it, don't!

I have had a bit of a blip in my life recently (again, my life seems to be composed of blips). Hubby has worked for Charterhouse for 18 years, and we have lived in a School house for 15 years. The School (as if its an actual entity!!) has decided that it wants a teacher, sorry master!, to live in our house instead and is kicking us out! Fab! Well, they have very 'generously' given us about a year,but I think that is just a year of worry and uncertainty so we have decided to go sooner rather than later. This will also give Martyn the option of looking for another job and leaving The School which he couldn't do before because of the house. I have had 3 weeks of anger, tears, rage, worry, fright, wakefulness, tiredness and stress! I am now going to TRY to look at it as a new start and a positive step for us all. I'm enjoying my job at college tho the travelling does get to me, and I'm going to knuckle down and get on with my photography and card designing.

This is also a chance for hubby nad I (and daughter!!) to declutter our lives, emotionally and physically! So a big big clearout is on its way, closely followed  I think, by a huge carboot sale which I HATE doing but needs must! Got loads and loads of craft stuff that I'm going to sell if anyones interested, moving to a much smaller house means a lot has to go!

Well, I think thats me up to date for now, well, at least as much as I'm going to tell!!

Yaaaaayy!!  Look, some crafting at last!!

Aaaahhh, no crafting I'm afraid, but fab fab weekend in Devon/Cornwall with amazing friends and a Seth gig in Plymouth, Seths hometown, on Saturday!! Few pics here, if you should want to peruse any more, check out my flickr photostream here - http://www.flickr.com/photos/fenpeper/collections/.

Well, busy week dashing about the country to see Mr Lakeman! Unexpected bonus gig on Tuesday in Stroud, and then Southampton on Wednesday (The Brook - such a fab venue, tho stage is high and you get a crick in your neck!).  And hopefully off to Plymouth tomorrow but my daughter is ill so we shall see. Was supposed to go today but I won't leave her cos she looks terrible, bless! They need their mum even at 15! xx

Anyway, a few pics of the delightful Seth (no crafting this week - I wonder why?!!!)


http://www.flickr.com/photos/fenpeper/sets/72157623861822232/ - Seth in Stroud

http://www.flickr.com/photos/fenpeper/sets/72157623862775824/ - Seth at The Brook

This is the lovely Dan Donnelly!!

Hmmmm, seems like Saturday has become my blogging day! Well, I HAVE been able to do a little bit of crafting this week and so will pop the pics up. A couple of the photos are not very sharp, but it gives you the general idea of what I've been up to.
On Easter holidays now, and still with only 7 hours of work a week, so really hoping that builds up or I shall be on the job hunt again.
Anyway, other than that not much has happened this week, my 15 year old has a proper proper crush, bless her, so have had giggling girls in house all week! Reminds me of when I was 15! That was a while ago!

Well, haven't done much crafting this week as I started my new job. Its not many hours but its enough for me at th moment tho sadly not money wise, so we are stil struggling and I'm not able to do many of the things that make me happy. Not that they cost much money, but its things like meeting friends, or having coffee. I don't have spare cash  for travel fares or coffee out and people are not always able to come to me. But I'm sure things will pick up soon and I have loads of love and support from my close friends ('Us Lot'! - you know who you are!). And I'm still through late Christmas presents and early birthday ones, able to get to see Seth! xx My therapist says that is very important to me, so I have to keep doing it - doctors orders! xx

Really annoyed because my mobile phone has decided to play up and not send anyone texts! xx  Hoping to upgrade to a new phone without it costing any pennies, as I think I'm due an upgrade.

Anyway, lets hope next week brings us some sunshine - sick of the grey skies! xx

Ahhhhh, went to see Cara Dillon at The East Wintergardens last night (special guest Seth Lakeman!!!)) and it was a fab night. Fab venue, fab music, fab friends, fab time. Photos were not stopped, yay, so have a couple to show you!

Another couple of my arty efforts from today. Sorry the birds keep making an appearance, they are the only ones I have at the moment.

What do you think people? x It needs a bit of work but on the whole not too bad.

My new guitar!! xx

Just thought it was time for a new post. Still on a bit of a Lakeman high from Southsea and got over my 'emotional weekend' when I wasn't at the gigs!

Really looking forward to St Patricks Day when I'm seeing Cara Dillon and Seth perform together at the East Wintergardens in Canary Wharf. And possibly a night away as well, ahh, bliss! I get to be me for a day. xx I know photography is not really allowed but am hoping to sneak a couple of Cara and Seth together, will have to see what I can get away with. x

Have been practicing on ink blending techniques but not quite ready to post for scrutiny on here yet, so give me a couple of days and I'll post some pics.

Loved the QVC TSV, tho didn;t buy it. As a pressie for not being able to go to Make It, hubby bought me the Autumn Garden Toppers kit, so am looking forward to having a real play with this when it comes. I've got the Autumn Kanban syamps as well, so looking forward to having some fun!

Should add to my passions at the top of the page, Brenda, our gorgeous little camper van! We are starting to try and get her shipshape for the summer festie season, possibly even May. Here she is in the snow, bless her!

Aaaahhhhh!!  More Lakeman gigging last night!  Boys were on fine form! Much quieter first half, but cranked up in the second half! Up jigging and stomping, and clapping and singing! xx Much laughter at us from the man himself, cheek!! xx No piccies allowed, boo! xx So I took some outside the stage door.......oh, and happened to bag a couple for myself! xx

Well, no more Seth til St Patricks Day, we think!! xx

Ooh, Setlist, (sethlist!!) for Southsea - 

Hurlers

Hearts and Minds

Fight for Favour

Preachers Ghost

Solomon Browne

Spinning Days

Circle Grows

Take No Rogues

Setting of the Sun

Changes

Stepping Over You

How Much

Riflemen of War

See Them Dance - Mire dedication

Ye Mariners All 

Poor Mans Heaven

Kitty Jay

Send Yourself Away

Blood Upon Copper

Race to be King 

Ah, another day over and barely any crafting done! Also no news about this flaming job, I really need to start earning some money! xx  But good news is, another Seth gig tomorrow!! Woop woop! And to show how much I DO love him, here is a pic of me and Seth! Awwwwwww!

Ahhhhhh! First Seth Lakeman gig in 2 and a half months last night. And I took my daughter to see him live for the first time! Excellent gig, tho really don't much like theatre gigs cos waaaaay too many people sit down and don't move!!  How can you do that when Seth and his band are playing!!  I have no clue. Anyway, we jigged in our seats and then a few songs into the second half, were on our feet much to the bands glee! There truly is NOTHING like a Lakeman gig! My daughter also managed to get a pic with the lovely man himself.

One of my recent makes.

I have realised that I have no clue how to upload multiple photos!!  Bear with me! xx